Help us find Annie
Give that woman some Beano
Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning.
American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.
The plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said.
The passengers and five crew members were brought off the plane, together with all the luggage, to go through security checks again. Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches.
The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal body odor, Lowrance said. The woman lives near Dallas and has a medical condition.
The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane.
"American has banned her for a long time," Lowrance said.
She was not charged but could have been. While it is legal to bring as many as four books of paper safety matches onto an aircraft, it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane, Lowrance said.
This could only happen in 2006 in the USA, and leads to a few painfully obvious questions:
1. Hasn't the woman ever flown before? If she has, why wasn't her match-lighting detected?
2. Has she never heard of Beano?
3. For that matter, my Southwestern friends tell me that when you eat their regional food, you are GOING to fart. Get over it.
4. Why on earthe would the TSA allow you to bring four books of matches aboard an aircraft, then forbid you to ignite them? And since there is probably no place to smoke inside the security zones of airports, why not simply ban matches and lighters altogether?
5. Why, specifically four books of matches?
musicnotes
Can I bring a Howitzer on board next time I fly if I promise not to use it?
Inquiring minds want to know...